Wednesday, March 7, 2018

I'm bitter today...

Have you ever tried forgiving someone who wasn't sorry? Someone who showed NO remorse?
This has been my struggle for years, and still is. I attempted confrontation in the past and got NOTHING.

How can I claim to be a christian woman and not show forgiveness? BIGGEST. STRUGGLE. EVER! 

In Matthew 6:15 it says, "But if you do not forgive others their sins, neither will your Father forgive your sins."
I don't consider myself an unforgiving person but I do know that I just can't forgive my offenders yet. I know that showing forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior, it prevents their behavior from destroying my heart. Forgiveness is for me! I know this, I know this, I know this! I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying.

Today I'm angry. I could punch through a wall, break glass, and scream because I woke up today with Shame and Anger controlling my day. I'm sick of it. My sons don't deserve this, my husband doesn't deserve this, and I don't deserve this!! 

Last week I saw a Psychiatrist, hence the title of my blog "Humble Pie" - serve me a piece.
It was a completely humbling, awkward, embarrassing position to find myself in.  We are working together to tweak my medicine to get me through this rough patch and back to true "Stacie mode". I don't want to be on medicine forever but I do need it now. 

Sorry, I'm just bitter today...

Trusting in Psalm 147:3 ~ He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (even though I can't forgive yet). 

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