Control while pretending...
The internal battle with myself began when I was about 12 years old. I started teaching myself the art of control - control your emotions, pretend you are ok, and look like you have it all together. I stayed busy with school events, plays, softball, and I was a member of a singing and dancing group. All of these things kept me busy, occupied, and allowed me to stuff my feelings and thoughts deep within me. I was shiny and happy on the outside but dirty and devastated on the inside. I got REALLY good at pretending. Maybe I should have been an actress - lol. Honestly, I had some really dark days towards the end of High School and the beginning of college. The weight of what I had inside of me was taking a toll on me. The thought of dealing with my emotions and past overwhelmed me to the point that I thought leaving this life would just be easier. My weight dropped down to 100 pounds and sadly, I thought of suicide on more than one occasion. I couldn't deal. I couldn't face ...