It's Monday morning and I woke up rested and a bit refreshed. I'll take it.
This blog has proven to be therapeutic, freeing, and insightful for me. I've got a few more things on my mind that I would like to share/put out there. It astounds me just HOW MANY people have reached out to me and shared that they were victims too. It's so so sad. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. I read somewhere that 1 out of 5 girls are victims of sexual abuse. Oh. My. Goodness! This is just a crazy number and it makes me so angry! The abuser is sick, or evil, and seems to care less about the repercussions he or she is causing the victim. Is it power that you are looking for? Is it seconds of sexual gratification? UGH! Seconds of sin are causing a lifetime of confusion and hardship.
This may be hard for some of you to read but my abusers would say things like, "I love you, I love you, I love you" over and over again while the abuse took place. When I would ask why certain things were being done to me or asked of me I was told, "because you are pretty". These comments warped me the most. Sooooo, being "loved" and being "pretty" is why these things are happening to me. When you are a pre-teen, this is NOT a healthy way to mold your self-esteem or self-worth. Then the abuse didn't stop and more occurred.
I find myself paranoid for young girls. When I see young girls walking with adult men, my mind wonders if they are being treated right and with dignity. These paranoid thoughts of mine take place in grocery stores, at the mall, at ballgames, the hospital, church, wherever! Assumptions by most people, are made all of the time that "all is well". Because I'm a victim, my assumptions are "God, I hope that sweet girl is not being abused. Please protect her."
I'm 45 years old, so my abuse occurred in the decade of the 80's. NO ONE dared speak of sexual abuse during that time. It's barely spoken of today. That needs to change (1 in 5 girls, y'all)!!!
Don't brush it under the rug, don't minimize it, don't ignore it. If I had to guess, most sex offenders are walking free, on our streets, with no remorse because victims have a huge fear of reporting them. I get it! Who wants to face sexual abuse? You want to ignore it and act like it didn't happen...then you find yourself middle aged, working and fighting for your mental status. Find someone you trust and bravely talk to them about it. If you find yourself the chosen/trusted one - believe them, love them, and support them!
When the movie Frozen came out, I went to see it in the movie theatre. It's a cartoon, tons of kids were there, and my youngest was with me. A profound verse to the popular song from the movie hit a chord with me and brought me to tears in my seat...at this animated movie. Still to this day, those words explain exactly how I felt while concealing my thoughts and feelings. The verse says,
"Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be, conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.... well, now they know... Let it go!"
I know it's a bit corny to refer to an animated movie's theme song, but THATS IT! In my mind, that was me! During the time the movie was out, I couldn't "let it go". I felt isolated, alone, and the song just made me upset. I will say that since this blog has become an avenue for me to write/speak - I can work on letting it go, because now "they" know!!! (I hope you don't sing that song all day now - lol) I've been playing it loudly in my car for the past few days.
Much love to all!
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