Sunday, May 27, 2018

Seek the truth...

I can confidently say that the month of May has been challenging, different, eye-opening and super difficult.  So much so, that I can't really talk about the details of it yet. I've been humbled to my core, shaken to my knees, and had to really rely on my support system. 

I've been hard-headed, rigid, stoic, unemotional, detached, and passive about my abuse lately. By being this way, it has only gotten me to an unhealthy emotional place. If I was an open cusser, one particular word would be used right now to describe how I feel about the last few weeks. 

With that said, something cool happened in church today. 
When I walked in to church this morning, I was greeted by a beautiful person and a great big hug from them. They then told me that because of this blog, they were able to finally forgive someone who abused them in the past. AMEN! This crappy, (feels like) unending painful subject that I blog about has brought a deserving person to forgiveness. This victory surely softened my heart, made the month of May a bit sweeter- and I needed it. 

Our guest pastor preached a beautiful sermon today and said a strong statement that resonated with me. 

                           "Truth is medicine to the soul"

This made me think of another statement that still shakes me.

                      "You are only as sick as your secrets"

I am working hard to heal my soul with truth. I have to. I'm sick of my secrets keeping me sick.  This task is easy to say and extremely hard to do. I could use that cuss word again right here describing just how hard opening up to strangers can be. Will I be judged? Will I be labeled? Will I look ridiculous if I lose it? Probably - but I've lost myself and I really need to find her again. 

I am striving for truth - to set me free, to be medicine to my soul, and to break me of these burdens. I've made so much progress in the last five years with therapy. I can only look at this setback as a message from God that there is still something more that I need to deal with, overcome and learn.

May you all strive for truth, freedom & happiness! Happy Sunday and God Bless:)

NO, I don't have a cigarette!!!

March 20th, 2023 is the day that I was admitted inpatient last year and that date is fast approaching. I won't lie and say that I haven&...