Dignity struggle...
I'm fighting for my dignity again. When one memory of abuse comes back up to the surface, all of them return (for me, anyways). Being a target to so many offenders, I have to wonder what in the world was I doing to ask for this? Deserve this? Invite this? It's just crazy how many times it has happened to me. I KNOW the answer to the above questions. I did NOTHING to ask, deserve or invite this! When you are knocked down though, your strength and tenacity waver and you become weak. You start questioning things yet again. Your defenses are down and you don't feel strong, brave, and powerful because it just doesn't make sense. I've been hibernating in my house and staying very close to home for the past 3.5 weeks. Except for baseball games that no one really knows me at, I've remained close to home where I feel the most secure. I went to church today for the first time in 3 weeks. I love my church and I'm glad I went but it was hard. Making eye contact ...