Friday, March 2, 2018

You may be surprised...

Faith, love, family, friends, security! It's a pretty life that I live. One that I am super proud of. One that I thank the Lord for daily. 
Oh my Jesus - where would I be without His presence in my life. Its actually too scary to think about. 

I am a christian, I LOVE the Lord and my relationship with Christ is everything to me. 
I've been married for 22 years to a one-of-a-kind, smart, hard working, strong man who has loved me well. 
My two boys - (sappy alert) They are my heart. They are each unique and talented in their own way. They love the Lord and strive to live well in this crazy world. My oldest is 19 and is a freshman in college. He is strong, smart, and has some mad athletic skills.  My youngest is 14 and in the 8th grade. He is a master craftsman with skills way beyond his age in woodworking, blacksmithing, and computer knowledge.
I am a nurse by trade and have worked at the same hospital for almost 19 years. I have what some people call "the dream job" of helping women safely and successfully deliver babies into this world. I have so many beautiful friends! My social calendar is pretty busy, filled with gatherings and get-togethers. 
We built a home on family land, surrounded by cattle, horses, barns and hay fields. In my opinion, it's a beautiful home, with lots of room to move around. It provides an awesome place to raise our boys. My parents, sister and brother all live within walking distance to me. It's "perfect". 

 "Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always!" Ever read this? It's truth!

God created the perfect world - then sin entered the world and everything changed. Evil and sin attacks the innocent ~ It takes their energy, their thoughts, their self-esteem, and becomes so consuming that it becomes debilitating.  

This is where I find myself today. I'm 45 years old, recently diagnosed with Major Depression, PTSD and temporarily taking a leave of absence from work. It's real, it sucks, and I don't want this. I'm mad, bitter, exhausted and frustrated. I plan to use this blog for a few reasons. First, I NEED to tell my story. Secrets kill! They consume you from the inside out until you can't work, can't be a good mom, feel like you are failing as a wife, and you retreat in to darkness. I WANT to help others. I know I'm not alone, I know others are fighting a similar battle, and I want to be victorious. Am I shaking right now? Am I a nervous wreck to be this vulnerable? YES!!! You have no idea.

I've never blogged, I'm not an English major, nor do I pretend to know where this is going. I do know that God put this on my heart to do. I plan to be obedient and see where this takes me. More to come...

Joshua 1:9 ~ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Is that who I think it is?

  GOALS - Forgive myself! Find my voice! Be vulnerable! Inpatient experience cont... refer to the previous blogs for the beginning of my inp...