Humble Pie

   It's 3:45 am on a Sunday morning and I can't sleep. I'm sitting quietly alone at my computer with my dog laying to my right and my cat to my left. I made a cup of coffee and its nice and warm on my desk. My surroundings are peaceful but my insides are not.  Life is "funny" sometimes. For about 2 years now, I have been attending group therapy on Tuesday nights. My group is made up of 9 people and a therapist. We are a variety of ages and we all bring different issues to the group. It's like the movies portray it. We sit in a circle and talk about our problems while hoping to get feedback, and guided direction. Group can serve as a sounding board, provide encouragement, and the group can help carry your burdens. From the beginning, I have been anxious every time I step in to group. I know what I'm there for. I'm there to talk about my sexual abuse. For me, it's a slow process. I've spent most of my time in group talking around my subject, disc...

Hey girl, what have you been up to?  That was the question I was asked the other day by a sweet friend who I haven't seen or talked to in a while. I smiled but hesitated for a second. In my mind I quickly had to decide if I should tell her the full  truth or tell her the easy answer. I decided on the easy answer because it's easier (lol) and I didn't want to put her on the spot with whatever emotion/reaction she may have to my truthful answer.  Here on this blog, I'm able to speak the truth. It's still tough to talk about my abuse with my voice. It's embarrassing, makes me extremely sweaty and vulnerable, and shameful all at the same time.  There's a book entitled, Perfectly hidden depression. It's a book written by Dr. Margaret Rutherford. It truly hit home for me. The book states, "Perfectly hidden depression is hiding behind perfectionism, and appearing to be fine. It's believing that if you show painful emotions you will appear weak. It'...