I can breathe!
Today is day 3 of me feeling more like my old self again. I'm super hopeful and even more thankful. I can organize my thoughts and words, I wake up feeling more rested, and I actually want to have conversations with others - lol. I have more clarity, I'm more grounded, and more at peace. I KNOW this blog is partially responsible for me being more at peace. It speaks to so many but it also has been monumental in having my loved ones know my struggles more thoroughly and understanding my challenges a bit more. That is FREEING!!
I have never expressed myself or shared as much of my journey with anyone but with my Therapist. Now, my husband, parents, and close family members know so much more. Liberating:-)
I'm really a rookie at blogging but have found out that you can view your "audience" of people who have read your blog. I was touched and amazed at my "audience".
Ya'll, close to 16,000 viewers/readers from all over the world have read my blog. Little ole me! Wow. God is at work in this - that's all I can say to explain this! He put it on my heart for a reason. HE's so smart (why do we ever doubt HIM).
My fear is...something else from my subconscious mind will surface and knock me off of my feet again. I have to pray that this won't happen. I have to think that I will be stronger if that does occur and I have to remember that fear is not of God. HE's got me.
The ugly, dirty, lonely, scary, dark, sticky, grimy pit of depression is real. I don't want to EVER be as low as I was again. I'm out of the "depression pit" just looking at it now. One day I hope to be laughing at it. One day at a time - I'm steady doing the work.
Loved this -- "When He shows you the way out, what you thought was a pit was actually a well that was dug. From that well you draw mercy, compassion, and wisdom, and knowledge, and refreshment from the depths of that well" ~ Jesus Calling
I realize that I have labeled myself by writing and sharing this blog. I will forever be to some, "that person who was abused as a child", "That lady that wrote the blog about her abuse", "The nurse who had to take a mental break from her job", " The lady who had to see a psychiatrist and therapist". These are not labels anyone has given me. I have given them to myself. My new challenge will be getting back in to society and being ok walking in my own skin, owning my past with my chin up. Everyone who has read my blog knows my challenges, skeletons, and dark past. Again, liberating but nerve-wracking.
I've got a few more challenges that I know the future holds but I will trust that they will all work out. My support system is Golden. God bless you all.
That's it for today. Praying for God's provision over everyone who has been touched by this blog. G-night!
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
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