I'm super thankful for a great church service this morning, quality family time today, great food, and a peaceful afternoon. My hubby's shift work schedule actually worked in our favor today.
I've come to the conclusion on a few things - the memories of my abuse will NEVER go away or leave my thoughts. Ever! That's the aggravating reality of this situation. They are a part of you, lurking in your mind and ready to strike when you are weak. We all know that we can't go through life without weak moments. It's the inevitable. So, I will focus focus focus on my learned strength, coping skills, and faith (and I keep some important phone numbers in my phone, just in case).
The other conclusion I was reminded of today is that God will NEVER go away or leave me alone either. That's so comforting. Have you ever looked back on stressful events that you have walked through, and realized how many times God stepped in, provided, loved and lead you? He's amazing, really! Is everything perfect now and all figured out? Nope. Do I have faith in HIM to continue to do a work in me and guide my steps? Yep.
Through this blog, I feel like my mask has been removed. With that said, I am exposed like never before. Because I feel better and my serotonin levels are good - haha, I realize now that my exposure and my abuse history will only strengthen me, make me more bold, and more alive. I hope to be more relatable, compassionate and patient. Beauty from ashes, I guess.
Remember, you never really know what someone is going through, so be kind- Always!
Looking back, I believe that my blog entry on March 13th has helped me the most (Small town girl). Although I did not name the names of abusers, I wrote how it has been the heaviest burden to carry. Naming certain guilty people today would only affect the lives of SO many innocent people - not worth it to me - but it's challenging. The reputation of the guilty in the community is so different in my eyes compared to others. I have to grin and bear it when I hear stories or conversations about certain people. Saying who, really wouldn't help me anyway. Surrendering this much on this blog HAS helped me. Tons!
My family laughed a lot today, took pictures, played games and ate well. I have been feeling like myself more and more each day and I am preparing to head back to work :-)
Thank you for reading this blog. It has been very healing for me to write. I'm not sure if I will have any more entries after today. Your prayers, love, cards, flowers, messages, hugs, pyramid pic, and gifts have been overwhelmingly beautiful and unbelievable. God bless you all. The support you have shown me has humbled me. Anyway, thank you thank you thank you. My prayers will continue for all victims of sexual abuse until the day I die. I'm here for you.
His will, His way, my faith!!