Monday, April 6, 2020

Covid-19 meets walking dead child molesters!








Covid-19 is leaving its mark in so many ways.  Here's hoping the quarantined ones are staying sane at home and the essential workers are staying safe at work. It's weird working at a hospital that usually looks like a bustling city street of people in it's halls to more of a ghost town from an old western movie with tumbleweeds. So many changes, so much uncertainty, so many challenges and it saddens me. Nothing is the same right now, except for Jesus! Amen for that! 

Sunday's scripture from my church:
John 16:33 ~ "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." If this verse isn't appropriate, I don't know what is. Faith over Fear!!

My therapy sessions are over the phone, zoom, or doxy.com right now and that's weird. I'm absolutely thankful for the ability to have these options though. For me, my challenges are being vulnerable, sharing with shame, and facing my battles with other people who can help carry my burdens and provide feedback.  When I actually do that, I'm so proud of myself. Momentum was being achieved, progress was being made, and forward movement (no matter how small) was happening. That norm changed and it scares me. I have to accept and embrace this new norm and learn to trust that similar outcomes can be achieved like this through this new way of therapy. 

I can become a prisoner in my head and my thoughts can be debilitating. Therapy, as hard as it is, is an outlet for those thoughts with professional feedback provided back. Phone sessions are the new norm right now. I never thought that I would miss face to face therapy but I do. 

I woke up last night yelling in my sleep from a nightmare I was having.  My husband woke me up! I remember the dream vividly. In the dream, I had walking-dead style child molesters chasing me who were also positive for Covid-19 and I was trying to fight them off. That's the combo in my head right now. That's screwed up. The only choice you have is to catch your breath, swallow your fear, turn over, try to go back to sleep, get up with the alarm and face the challenges of the new day. Underlying issues haven't gone away just because this virus is attacking. Shout out to all who struggle with mental issues and who are fighting your battles AND this pandemic. It's an added stressor. This pandemic will likely bring on mental concerns in some people. We are human, we handle so much, and sometimes we can't fight it alone. 


Have you ever heard that saying, "I love Jesus but I drink a little" - lol.. Well I'm guilty. It's not a positive coping mechanism, nor one that I recommend but if I'm honest, it relaxes my mind right now, because my mind is crazy at times. With that being said, my prayer time has increased also and I notice the silver linings everywhere through out all of this. In the past few weeks, I have learned that fellow employees are testing positive, some physicians as well, friends, and friend's family members. The "front lines" are scary where exposure is hard to fight off. I pray everyday for those who are actually working in Covid-19 units. The work environment that you have known for over 20 years, no longer exists right now. Anxiety comes, you fight it off, and you pray hard for healing and protection. I have been brought to tears more in the last 3 weeks than ever. 

With that said, I have always found peace and comfort from music for as long as I can remember. If I'm off of work, I'm listening to christian music, or have headphones on while doing chores, doing exercise, or yard work.  It encourages me, speaks to me, and soothes me. It's spirit-calming! Thankful for it.

Speaking of thankful - I'm thankful that both my husband and I are still working, my boys and my family are safe at home and healthy, our house is comfortable to be stuck in, my church is on-line with tons of ways to stay connected and our workplaces are doing everything to keep us all safe. 

I may not always trust my ways, but I always trust that God is bigger than any battle we face. He never fails. Faith over Fear! Much love to all. Stay safe and be smart. 



                                                   







Blood stains...

It's hard for me to go back and read earlier blog posts that I've written. In fact, I seldom do. With that said, I may repeat myself...