Monday, May 3, 2021

He's got the whole world in His hands...


Do you know where Indonesia is? I didn't. I checked the World Map to find it's exact location. I needed to know it's location in reference to my south Louisiana home. 

I have had an influx of readers reading my blog from that area of the world. What!!??!! As the domain owner of this blog, I can view "stats" that let you know where in the world the readers are reading from and how many people have actually taken the time to read this blog. In my amazement, there have been over 56,500 readers so far since I started writing this blog. Recently, the numbers have risen quickly and it sparked my curiosity. After looking in to it, most of the recent viewers were from Indonesia. Talk about Humble Pie!

SOOO, SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIENDS IN INDONESIA!! I will call you my friends even though we have never met because we apparently share secrets, similar struggles and abuse. 

This influx made me curious so I googled sexual abuse in Indonesia. According to an article by Amanda Siddharta, entitled ~Physical, Sexual violence against children is surging in Indonesia ~ "Victim blaming is still common." "Family or schools prefer not to come forward because they are ashamed." 

I've had a great couple of months with no big setbacks while maintaining the boundaries that I have set for myself as well. With that said, there is not a day that goes by that something doesn't happen to me to remind me of my abuse. I have to fight back blaming myself, feelings of shame, and unworthiness. When I first started writing this blog, I was SHOCKED at how many people reached out to me with similar stories of abuse (and still do). Strong, loving, hard working, successful, professional, big hearted women who have had similar things happen to them. I'm sure each fight off sadness, depression, weakness, shame and low self esteem more often than not. They battle the demons of sexual abuse while having kids, running a big company, raising a family, driving carpool, teaching a class full of kids or whatever it is that they do. It's everywhere and yet we still don't talk about it. I know that my small circle of influence/existence like my work, church, school, and community are filled (sadly) with victims of sexual abuse. This sexual abuse pandemic has been around way before the Covid-19 pandemic and it's mental effects are lifelong. 

I think that's what I realized when I saw the many people from Indonesia reading this. I'm sure they aren't reading this blog for entertainment. They are looking for ways to connect to people with similar struggles. They want to find new ways to cope. They don't want to feel alone. That's what I think anyway. I do the same thing by reading other blogs, listening to pod casts, and watching documentaries that may teach me new things about surviving with the sexual abuse curse.  I'm "lucky" enough to have professional counseling and group therapy available to me as well. Secrets kill, steal, and destroy. I still have them. I'm not sure if I'll ever get rid of them all. Protection of others, doing the right thing, what is the right thing?, lack of forgiveness and biblical truths run in circles in my brain like a hamster on a hamster wheel daily. Ugh.

I'm thankful for the support from people across the globe who think my blog is worth reading. We are united in HOPE. As sad as the numbers can be with victims of sexual abuse, I'll view us as Survivors with Strength.

Last but not least, I'll pray for you! I am available even though I still struggle. I can't find my voice half the time in group therapy, but I pray deeply for HIM to make me feel worthy to speak. I rely on Jesus, family and friends but I fall short often. We are all a work-in-progress and I feel honored to be able to pray for you. 

You are not alone. God bless,



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