You truly have to put your ARMOR OF GOD on daily. The enemy is just waiting for you to fail, feel defeated, and play tricks on you. He's ready to strike at any moment and make you feel weak.
Last night I saw the faces of my abusers in my dreams. I woke up like 10 times only to fall back asleep and continue to see them. My alarm went off to get ready for church and I wanted to stay under my covers and not face the day. Then I thought, NOT TODAY, SATAN! I'm so sick of my past or the enemy getting in the way or distorting my happiness. Unfortunately, the enemy sometimes wins. Today, I showered and not only wore makeup, I wore jewelry as well. Seems small but that's happy victories for me these days. Of course, the sermon was personally relevant today. It was about vulnerability, character, and spiritual confidence. I really think it's so cool when God does that!
I've still remained close to home as I feel the most secure here. I have decided to do some painting in the house. It's been therapeutic working with my hands and I'm loving the way the fresh paint looks. Spring is blooming everywhere and our herd of cows have had 3 new calves in the last few weeks. It's awesome to witness fresh new life. I've read a book, read my bible, gotten a massage, rocked on my porch a lot, done restorative yoga for the first time, and worked in my flower beds. I'm focusing on self healing while enjoying the simple things that God has put in my life.
I feel like my new meds are working well. I'm weaning one and starting a new one at the same time. I hope to one day be med-free. I've got a few funny side effects from the new medicine but I hope they subside sooner than later.
My family was able to attend church all together today. When I am in church with both of my boys and husband, it's probably the happiest time for me ~ even when you are dealing with something hard. It's a beautiful moment when you see one of your best friends leading worship, hearing a sermon preached by a dedicated pastor, hearing music that moves my soul, and you are surrounded by your sweet family - it just doesn't get much sweeter than that! Thank you Jesus:)
So, happy Sunday everyone! May you enjoy the simple things today and not let Satan win.
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